I’ll be the first to admit, television has not been a huge priority in my life in the past 10 years, to the point where I never even had pay tv or the aerial connected. Australia only just got Netflix as I was exiting the country so that wasn’t even an option.

This is a fairly accurate representation of how most people treat the tv around here.
This is a fairly accurate representation of how most people treat the tv around here.

If I wanted to watch something I either waited until it was out on DVD and bought it or completely legally utilized the high seas of the interwebs to procure it. This did involve having to avoid social media on certain nights of the week, but it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

Now, upon arrival in Sacramento I became a patron of both a paid television service AND Netflix.


Oh Tanya.

How optimistic and naïve you were.

I should probably take up the great American pastime of litigation and sue the creators of a vast percentage of the televised content I have viewed for giving me a permanent crease in the middle of my forehead from spending so much of my evening making this particular face.

tv blog pic
I am just lucky the wind didnt change why I was watching tv.

Let me just run you through a scenario here, folks.

One of the following show synopsis is made up. The other two, for reasons far beyond my meagre comprehension, gained approval from producers and are actual shows.

Show 1:

Cats get stuck up trees. For like, a really long time. These brave men and women are the heroes that get them down and reunite them with their families and food bowls.

Show 2:

A cooking competition show, similar to Masterchef, where people cook organic treats for fussy, pro-fair trade pups. Points awarded for presentation, conscientiousness of sourced goods and post-treat-poop-perfume.

Show 3:

‘Scientists’ roam America searching for anecdotal and physical proof of sasquatch using the latest in modern ‘scientific’ equipment  and methodology. For ‘science’.


Give up?

Well folks, show 1 and 3 actually exist.

And show 2 will probably be in syndication by July if any tv execs read this blog and steal my idea.

Regarding the Bigfoot program, I actually spent an hour of my life viewing this, obviously for science, and have one burning question. Why do all the people that have come forth to give their sightings to the team while they’re out ‘squatching’ (that’s the ‘scientific’ term for it) mangle the English language so horrifically that they require captions for people at home to understand them?

bigfoot use me
Found him — can we stop the show now?

Case in point, this is the ‘thrilling evidence from a local hunter’ that was presented in the episode I saw:

“Wern comun upparound a bend innert creek and a beeg black critter wasuh scooping upuh wadder anduh yeh wern stonished anduh held our breaf anduh yeh, twert Beegfoot, I tells yeh.”

Well, gosh, I had always doubted the existence of the sasquatch, but now sir, after that stirring testimony, I am a believer.

And lastly, if you are a tv exec thinking of stealing my organic pet treat cook-off show, please, dont.

Just no.

Ok? Ok. Good chat.

**Join us every Friday for the further adventures of Tanya, our token Aussie and new Director of Sales and Marketing as she experiences the wide wild world of Sacramento in her whimsical, bumbling way.