This story has humble beginnings.

We have a Meet The Team page on our website (https://twomenandatruck.com/locations/ca/sacramento) and we were discussing how one of the consultant’s read more like a dating site blurb than a staff profile.

And it’s true, it does.

Go there and see if you can guess who we’re talking about.

Leave the name in the comments and the first to do so wins the fabulous prize of me writing them a congratulatory haiku.

Anyhoo, this led to a general dating discussion which somehow ended up with me wondering if I could legally marry a plate of chicken and waffles.

But I’m a fussy lady, I don’t just wanna get hitched to ANY OLD chicken and waffles.

I want to become legally espoused to the red velvet waffles and deliciously crunchy chicken of Sandra Dees.

May I present the Future Mrs Tanya Explosion, in all her waffle-y and powdered sugar covered glory.
May I present the Future Mrs Tanya Explosion, in all her waffle-y and powdered sugar covered glory.

I pondered loudly about how long and hard I would need to lobby here in the land of the free to be able to get this passed as a ‘legal thingy’.

My training and expertise in ‘legal thingys’ is obviously extensive, as you can see by my casual use of lawyer jargon.

This also brought up a myriad of questions:

Could I be jailed for eating my spouse?

Could I wed multiple meals in some kind of crazy food-mormon tradition?

If we had children, would they be mini-pancakes and nuggets?

Sadly, most of these will forever remain unanswered as my day got very very busy and it wasn’t until I revisited this derailed train of thought later that night that I realised it is not as far-fetched as it seems to consider lobbying to marry a plate of chicken and waffles.

Stop laughing.

It isn’t.

Case in point: Pastafarianism.

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - commonly referred to as 'pastafarianism'. I quite like their message. Much more than the guy standing next to them. It's not often I agree with the people wearing kitchen utensils on their head, but when you're right, you're right.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster – commonly referred to as ‘pastafarianism’.
I quite like their message.
Much more than the guy standing next to them.
It’s not often I agree with the people wearing kitchen utensils on their head, but when you’re right, you’re right. Also, their heaven has a beer volcano and a stripper factory. HUZZAH.

Let me regurgitate the wikipedia entry for those who need a quick catch up on what the heck this is:

“The “Flying Spaghetti Monster” was first described in a satirical open letter written by Bobby Henderson in 2005 to protest the Kansas State Board of Education decision to permit teaching intelligent design as an alternative to evolution in public school science classes. In that letter, Henderson satirized creationism by professing his belief that whenever a scientist carbon-dates an object, a supernatural creator that closely resembles spaghetti and meatballs is there “changing the results with His Noodly Appendage”. Henderson argued that his beliefs were just as valid as intelligent design, and called for equal time in science classrooms alongside intelligent design and evolution. After Henderson published the letter on his website, the Flying Spaghetti Monster rapidly became an Internet phenomenon and a symbol of opposition to the teaching of intelligent design in public schools”

We all ofay with this now?

Good, so moving on, various members of this now certified religion have pushed, finagled and otherwise loudly whined until they could wear their religious headgear in ID photos.

Wearing a spaghetti colander on your head, albeit in a very satirical manner, seems to me no less logical than someone (not me) wanting to marry an extremely tasty plate of noms.

I mean, really, there’s a guy in Korea legally married to his pillow.

A South Korean man living in Tokyo married a dakimakura, a life-sized cushion which has an anime cartoon girl drawn on it. The girl is Fate Testarossa from anime comic Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha. Local TV footage shows the man visiting a theme park with the cushion and going on a rollercoaster and a carousel ride. They then dine at a restaurant.
A South Korean man living in Tokyo married a dakimakura, a life-sized cushion which has an anime cartoon girl drawn on it.
The girl is Fate Testarossa from anime comic Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.
Local TV footage shows the man visiting a theme park with the cushion and going on a rollercoaster and a carousel ride.
They then dine at a restaurant.

Yeah. So there’s THAT.

I feel we are starting to wander from Slightly Kooky Lane into Weird And Creepy Avenue, so I’ll start to wrap this up.

In conclusion, no I don’t REALLY want to marry a plate of chicken and waffles.

But it’s really nice to know that if I wanted to, I could probably complain, lobby, lament and wax lyrical until I could.

MURICA!

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